vision obscured by the distortion
of liquid hope as it again
escapes
softening the crust of dried futility
and the salty taste of tomorrow
on unkissed lips
holding on to life
by nothing stronger than the
surface tension
of a tear
~ ~ ~
01/09/05 by Tathagata
sure about this till the last line. It makes the whole thing work. I think a few commas would help with some pauses... otherwise I liked it alot. Amazing how much can be said in so few words. Thank you
01/09/05 by My Erotic Tale
astounding~ Impressive~ Moving~ I agree, the short stack of words send you on a mental journey far far away. excellent poem~
01/09/05 by minsue
and beautifully descriptive, Imp
01/09/05 by jthserra
one of the best I have read of yours. This is the first that drew me to comment, but wow, nicely done. Concise but stark, you grabbed my interest and then took my breath with your closing lines: "holding on to life by nothing stronger than the surface tension of a tear" inspiring and yes... impressive. Nicely done. jim : )
01/09/05 by Liar
Such a tense, dense write. The last lines are just perfect: "holding on to life by nothing stronger than the surface tension of a tear"
01/09/05 by annaswirls
The words of this poem are tense and intense, beautifully written... (I cannot believe I am going to say this, as I struggle so much myself) but you might consider changing the line breaks.
01/11/05 by foehn
nobody mentioned the *title*. This is a *great* short poem, but ye gods, didn't you get shivers up your spine when that title came to you? It works so powerfully for me ... am I off-track? I'm re-examining the way I title things. Maybe I'm just getting weird in my old age.
01/12/05 by vella_ms
perfection. loved this poem. your words convey so much in such a short piece. kudos gorgeous.
01/15/05 by in NJ USA
and deeply moving.
01/15/05 by sack in USA
probably purposefully vague, there are many possible scenarios: A mistress going to work after sex, Exit 7 is her work exit. A newlywed girl leaving her husband after their first night as a married couple, again Exit 7 is the work exit. A couple about to separate/divorce, this was their last night together. Exit 7 is the exit to the woman's new home. A lesbian couple that cannot stay together for various reasons, one of the women is getting a job in a new state, Exit 7 is the exit for the new job. Of course, we don't know if the protagonist is DEFINITELY a woman, but since a woman is writing a poem, I'm assuming a woman is suggested here. Good job, Impressive! (Perhaps I should have made this a poll?)
07/24/05 by ~hellbaby~
This is wonderful, the line 'nothing stronger than the surface tension of a tear' grabbed me,it is so powerful. thanks
08/28/05 by Bill Dada
Every word mattered and worked magic. The last four lines made the elephant disappear in front of a live audience.
02/20/07 by angelicminx in Kentucky
Once again you moved me. Thank you! ~Minx
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