dream coding

pale words hang in sterile air
once charged with fiery hope
faint fading pulses
'neath translucent skin -
grey blue on glass bone

life whisper rasps
through parched lips
to caress my mind
still
achingly beautiful
still

rapt by feathery wings of light
the dream floats free
bathed in the flatline glow

eerie embers of optimism
expire with one last gasp
one last tear
one lasting scar

~ ~ ~

'less is more?
12/09/05 by Maria2394
I like this. It has a sad quality. I do not know if you intended this, imp, but it comes across as the end, or near the end of a life. reminds me of my grandma. anyway, you did an excellent job with your descriptions, and a good job putting in the feeling. good work;)

Pleasant enough.
12/09/05 by TheRainMan
But I find this poem far too heavy with adjectives to have any real chance of saying too much. I think to improve the quality of your writing, you need to be more spare with adjectives and let the nouns and verbs move the poem forward. Modifiers can't do that. They are the shadow, not the image.

This is good
12/09/05 by cward2
I liked the second stanza the most. This is a well crafted poem but I have to agree with TheRainMan, especially with the first stanza. You have created some really great images, but remember brevity and of suggestion. Aside from that, a good poem!

Flowing
12/10/05 by hugo_sam in Lost in the '70's
Literate, compelling use of words. It does strike me as sad and final. Beautiful.

•)
12/11/05 by lobomao in santa Yerba Buena
as it all fades away awash in gray dreams and memories departing steam exhales in winter we stand on the runway as sighted down flat flight lines we watch and wave good bye

~
12/11/05 by Bill Dada
Seems to be about shadows, so it is appropriate that it feels like shadows. ty,bd

haunting
02/09/06 by SelenaKittyn
This is a haunting poem. Your words are compelling. Beautiful.

Beautifully written
02/12/06 by Harry Leg in Canada
I love the way this is written. Economy of verse. Wonderful. I loved it.

Very inspiring....
02/01/07 by Amyfriend in Ontario, Canada
well done.