Your muse is on a roll, I see
12/01/04 by matriarch
They just keep coming. Brief but deeply moving, as always. More please. Mat
:)
12/01/04 by WickedEve
Nice work
very creative
12/01/04 by My Erotic Tale
and filled with wisdom...great poem imp~
Swiftly
12/02/04 by vella_ms
flowing into my minds eye and making me smile with the knowledge that someone else feels as I do. How to do that so briefly, ill never know. Excellent job, Imp.
You were right...
12/02/04 by Belegon in San Diego
this rings all the right bells for me. Nicely done indeed. Think I just may have to forward this to a friend...
concise and telling!
12/03/04 by sack in USA
I think this poem would have read better if you had continued the "need not" line into the final stanza as well. Otherwise, quite good!
What
12/03/04 by doormouse in Australia
...the heck are you talking about sack? That last stanza made the poem... it's meant to leave us thinking ya nutcase lol j/k Awesome job sis, loved it and I love the layout!!! Top job ;-)
more about the last stanza....
12/03/04 by sack in USA
The format of the second line of each stanza is "need not be.....verb(past tense)." But in the last stanza, the poet uses "need only be ours." Huh?? A different tense, a different number of syllables (4 versus 5 or 6), a different rhythm, none of which work at all. Only a woman would do something as "out there" as that....it made me think all right, think about how this poem could have been concluded much more effectively, without such a mawkish sentiment! un"imp"ressed Sack (with the ending, anyway!)
I'm not into (99% of) poetry...
12/03/04 by fifty5 in UK
More than that, the sentiments here are (were?) not mine. But after those caveats, this did get to me - made me question my starting points. Don't change the last stanza. The small change in format was part of why this hit me in my guts. OK, this poem almost certainly won't change my life, but I'm left thinking that maybe it should! Eff
sheesh sack
12/03/04 by doormouse in Australia
I'm sure Imp is loving your trashing of her poem. I did my post as a joke, but now I'm not. That last stanza, to me, made the poem. It left the reader feeling, which is what poetry is about is it not? I don't care if it wasn't poetically correct, perfect... it left me feeling. Period. That's why I comment on 'some' poetry. The ones that leave me with an impression. A thought. A memory. A glimmer of hope, inspiration. This poem did all that to me. Crawl back to your sinical hole and stop picking flaws in a fantastic piece of work. Oh, and merry christmas lol... carry on... ;-)
More about endings....
12/03/04 by sack in USA
Mouse, I would disagree that commenting about 1 stanza out of an entire poem =trashing. And you are right, the ending of a poem does need to leave one with a feeling, an ecstasy, an enlightenment, etc. This ending had me shaking my head...not ONLY because of the structure but because of the icky sticky sentiment that is all too common in women's poetry. Hate to sound so sexist, but it's true. Lauren Hyde is so spectacularly popular because she doesn't follow this cotton candy formula. Her poems are startling, dramatic, vivid, and yes, stereotypically "masculine." It's not about being cynical....it's about being tired of the Mary Poppins Cookie Cutter Cutesy-Tootsey approach to poetry that is so common on Lit. In any case, I'm doing Imp a big favor by calling attention to this poem. People will vote highly on it to defend her, and therefore she will get enough votes for an "H". You see, Doormouse, there is a method to my madness! Sack (you're welcome, Imp)
So...
12/04/04 by Anonymous in U S of A
...so. Only. No more, no less.
I....
12/09/04 by she_is_my_addiction in Bed
love this. I used to be able to write things that made sense too. Now it comes out crap. It really is reality too.
Beautiful
12/11/04 by LadyJeanne
Elegant. Wise. Inspired. Acceptance with barely a hint of longing.
not sure
01/28/05 by Anonymous
I still do not understand why Imp's poems get so many comments while other excellent poems go completely ignored. While not deserving of the anon comments, the rest of the admiring masses, well it has me quite puzzled.
not sure? me either
01/28/05 by puck444
she shows very little "talent or imagination' she has many friends. That would explain it
I'm with Puck
07/27/05 by pishposh in Japan
I wish they had 0's cause that is what you deserve. No talent at all, dear. Give it up.
Hmm not sure I agree
07/27/05 by LadyCibelle in Moncton
Oh well....I seldom comment on poems because I don't consider myself a poet....BUT...I have to on this one. Those people trashing your poem are particularly hurtful and unfair as I think it's a DAMN good one. One I wish I had written :) Don't let anybody tell you otherwise Imp...it left me thinking of all those feelings unsaid and unfelt. Kudos to you.
God!
07/27/05 by Linderella in Ireland
Talent obviously doesnt grow on trees or Impressive would have some.
Huh
11/27/05 by Bill Dada
The ending is cutesy? I personaly think rules are made for one purpose and one alone...to be broken. ty,bd
passion‛s prayer blooms
12/13/04 by vella_ms
I love that. excellent poem, Imp...cant wait for more. Please, continue. v~
evocative!
12/13/04 by sack
like the "Crystalline chaos" line!! The last stanza doesn't have quite as smooth a rhythm as the others. Otherwise, very haunting and lovely!
Beautiful structure
12/13/04 by flyguy69
I love the way this flows, imp; very melodic.
Impressive...
12/13/04 by My Erotic Tale
has done it again... this is awesome...spiraling downward with poetic style that impressive is so good at...great poem,,, deep~
mentioned
12/14/04 by WickedEve
on the new poems review thread.
Bluest Fields is truly deep
12/16/04 by Awful Arthur
I love the use of repeated alliteration. Fantastic poem.
OMGosh
12/17/04 by Lisa Denton in USA
The picture painted in my mind with the phrase "within bluest fields deep" is beautiful, thank you.
I've always enjoyed...
12/18/04 by Belegon in Southern California
...this form despite a notable lack of success in my own usage. It creates the feeling that you are expanding multiple views on a single theme and is very effective here.
Hypnotic
01/02/05 by minsue
and simply lovely
P U
03/22/05 by Anonymous
within bluest fields deep greener grass breathes a fertile caress of promise sounds like someone has been sniffing manure
~~
12/04/06 by LeBroz in — NY - too far from Atlanta
Simple & complex alliteration ~ well done.
~~
03/17/07 by LeBroz
This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 35,000 poems.
Astounding
03/11/05 by vella_ms
how you can equate love/passion so accurately in calculus terms! Awesome job, sweeting. looking forward to many more to come.
..
03/11/05 by Anonymous
This one actually has promise. Glad to see you slipping away from that ass sucking crap you called poetry when you first got here...
Ha!
03/11/05 by Anonymous
Fun poem, Imp! I had to dig out my old stats text for this one! Flyguy
wow
03/11/05 by WickedEve
"Yes, Ms. Jones, I did my homework, but the dog ate my poem." ;)
:)
03/11/05 by Bridget69 in Canada
A very interesting emotional equation.
Great job!
03/11/05 by Anonymous
This is a fine entry! Thanks, Boo
witty word wizard
03/11/05 by My Erotic Tale
wow some of these words aren't in my dictionary, wait this ain't a dictionary its play bo... huh a book on the quantum physics of the female anatomy. much like this poem
Brilliant,
03/12/05 by LadyJeanne
clever and vaguely disturbing. I'm not sure why this left me feeling a bit uneasy; perhaps it's the application of mathematical logic to the ethereal. Beautifully written and exceptionally imaginative. Thank you, Imp. This one is really a stunner. Your talent and your mind truly humbles me. LJ.
sign, sine, everywhere a cosine
04/07/05 by The_Fool
Integrating math makes a differentiating poem with linear translation into the imaginary image......*G*
If embrace could last forver
11/26/04 by Honey123
Oh, to be held in those warm, safe arms forever.... Lovely poem...you brought a smile to my face. Honey
Boy....
11/26/04 by ABSTRUSE
For a quickie that rocked!!!
Oh I recognise
11/26/04 by matriarch
that yearning, grasping need so well. Beautifully protrayed, Imp. Well done.
cool little poem....
11/26/04 by sack in USA
with a marvelous economy of line few can imitate. Excellent!!
soft smiles
11/27/04 by vella_ms
i wish i didn't know just how this felt. yearning... you captured that feeling so very well. continue please. *hugs* v~
new poems review mention
11/27/04 by My Erotic Tail
for saturday 27 2004 thanks for the journey~ Impressively witty and cute~
WTF????
11/27/04 by Anonymous in U S of A
Crapola
???
11/28/04 by Anonymous
What in this poem are you trying to say? It says it's under erotic poetry but there's nothing that draws the reader in. No emotion. "One thousand one.....One thousand two" made me feel like a 1st grader trying to understand a children's story/poem??
Impressive
11/28/04 by Lauren Hynde
I love the way it flows, the control. You can practically feel the time slow down, you can sense each heartbeat. A remarkable feat for such a contained poem. The play of words in the last verse of the last stanza is perfect.
The waiting...
11/28/04 by
is always the hardest part. But oh, so necassary.
I read this several times
11/28/04 by WickedEve
and I love it. I felt this poem. What a wonderful job you did with it.
Good Things~
11/28/04 by LilDarlin in ~Tenn
I have always been told.. Good things come to those who wait.. Well woohoooo.. Loved this poem I say~~!! The whole set-up just makes ya take your slow..sweet time.. Breathing it in an tasting every drop of the poem. Just a hot lil poem. More I say~~!!! *Big Smiles*
This is....
11/30/04 by ABSTRUSE
great crapola. I think I read it before, but I must have forgotten to post...LOL. Keep up with the crapola, it works.
That got me...
12/02/04 by Tatelou in UK
... right there *points at pussy*. Um, no! Scrap that! I meant *points at heart*. ;) Well done, Imp! Very concise and powerful poem. Lou xxx
Oh yes!
03/07/05 by LadyJeanne
Oh, I totally know that hesitant, hopeful, expectant yearning! "An excuse to touch ~ too brief to savor..." Splendidly done! Thank you. LJ
~11/27/05 by Bill Dada
The elasticity of time divided by the want of flesh equals this poem. ty,bd
How does it feel?
11/27/05 by Bill Dada
made me feel like a 1st grader trying to understand a children's story/poem?? Anonymous, you still have delusions of granduer, it will be years before you get to a 1st grade level of reading. Since this poem is well above a 1st grade level of reading of course you didn't understand it.
